In my last blog I allowed myself to become rather transparent. I spoke about my lack of accountability to myself. Well, it's time to lay my cards on the table once again. This time it deals with a weighty issue. Over the last 20 years I have allowed myself to get out of shape and to gain a tremendous amount of weight.
I first put on weight because I was an emotional eater. If I was happy I celebrated by eating, sad I drowned my sorrows with food, stressed...well you get the picture. And carrot and celery sticks just didn't cut it; chocolate, ice cream, pasta, that's the kinds of foods I would eat. As I began to put on weight, I turned a blind eye to it- saying "I've only gone up one size" or "I've probably only put on about 10 lbs." when in actuality it was 3 times that. It took me forever to overcome my unhealthy relationship with food. No, I didn't go on some fancy diet, or read self-help books, I just decided one day that enough was enough. Unfortunately, I made that decision after the damage was done. I was not over weight, I was obese. Exercising was difficult...I had a hard time just walking a couple of blocks. I thought to myself though, "I'm still young, I'll be able to lose the weight". Little did I know that the very next year, I would be involved in a very high risk pregnancy that would change my life forever. I went through HELLP Syndrome and that was pretty much the end of the story. I had to be resuscitated more then once before I decided to stick around. The tremendous stress on my body allowed Fibromyalgia to take hold, and I was also diagnosed with an abnormally high antibody issue similar to Lupus (my body attacks itself). There is no medication I can take to control the antibody issue... nor can I take any meds. for the fibro. The "I'll be able to lose the weight" became far more difficult then I ever imagined.
I finally realized one day though, that in order to feel better, I was going to have to work through the pain of fibro., exercise, eat healthy and lose weight. So, last year I did just that. At first I was barely able to walk to the end of our driveway and back. However, with the help of my kids, I pushed myself a little further every couple of days. Slowly, the lbs. began to melt away... and I dropped 47 lbs! You would think after seeing such wonderful results, I would have stuck with it. Unfortunately, I let life get in the way and everything came to a screeching halt. I quit walking daily, and now walking 2 miles is an extreme challenge. My eating habits haven't been the greatest either, but thankfully I have not gained any weight back. The sad thing is I know what I need to do...I just haven't done it. So, it is time for me to become fully transparent and not hold back. I have 100 lbs. to lose-- there, I said it. Starting with my next blog, I will be posting what I eat at the bottom of each entry. I will also be posting the number of pounds lost or gained once a week. Why am I doing this...because I must be a glutton for punishment. No, not really, I'm doing this because I need the extra accountability... knowing the writing is on the wall will hopefully keep me from backsliding or throwing in the towel. I'm hoping that I will inspire others to join me on this journey, and I'm hoping to be better roll model to my daughter Beanie who unfortunately has already begun to follow in my footsteps. If I can make the needed changes in my life and get her on the road to healthy eating and exercise now, I pray she won't have a weight issue when she reaches adulthood.
I hope those who give a hoot will leave me a message...I would love to have some feedback, so I know I will not be making this journey alone~
Go Triss!!!
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