Life has been far beyond crazy in my neck of the woods. With four kids, it seems like we have had non stop doctors appointments for one reason or another the past two months. Add to that a nasty bug that knocked me flat on my backside for 3-1/2 weeks--WOW!
I must say that this Momma was not; I repeat NOT a happy camper once I started feeling almost human. I ventured into the kitchen or should I say the area of the home where my kitchen once stood...there was not a speck of counter top to be seen. My cupboards were bare and the dirty dishes were towering precariously in both sides of the sink. I then looked around the living and dining rooms and decided I would just go back to bed, pull the covers over my head once again and then bark orders at those who created the disasters. A couple days later my house was somewhat back in order and things began to fall back into place.
I knew that while I was down for the count, meals were not the norm. There were a few fast food meals, pizza one night and lots of simple things such as nachos, subs etc... One thing I never gave much thought about was eggs. I opened the fridge only to find 6-7 cartons of wonderful, fresh eggs...72-84 oval gems! Our chickens and duck were busy laying 6-8 eggs a day but no one was eating them. After seeing all those cartons of eggs I decided to check out several websites to see about selling our eggs. I was shocked to find out that duck eggs are considered a specialty egg and they sell for $10.00-$20.00 per dozen! And to think my husband wanted to get rid of the ducks...now I'm trying to figure out how we can get a couple more females! With that said, any of my readers who are in the area that are interested in "FRESH", organic, free-range brown chicken or duck (and no, I won't charge $10.00) eggs, feel free to stop by or contact me.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Real Food Real Results...AMAZING!
Yesterday I said to check back in for some real eye opening finds. I am not going got ramble on about things I have read, or information I've seen on television. What I am going to share with you today is first hand experience. Things that prove that ones diet has a major effect on their life...
Our daughter Bugs had an illness of unknown origin (IUO) when she was two. We never got any answers...her illness came on quickly, lasted several months, then just disappeared as mysteriously as it began. However, it left her with lingering symptoms for several years. From time to time I would do research trying to find out what she could have had. On many of the sites, I would find sidebars or articles concerning diet and how it could help alleviate some of the symptoms she still dealt with. I just filed that information away as I felt our diet wasn't really that bad... after all, I didn't feed my kids poptarts, frozen pizza, or sugary breakfast cereals. Then when Beanie was about 9 years old she started having serious trouble concentrating in school. She was easily angered, and everyone in the family was beginning to walk on eggshells, because we did not know what would set her off. Things continued to get worse, so we took her to see a doctor. She was diagnosed as being "Juvenile Bipolar". As devastating as that diagnoses was, we were glad she was finally going to get the help she needed or so we thought. She was put on one medication that did absolutely nothing. So her doctor tried something different, then a combination of medications all with the same results. Between the emotional ride with Beanie, and Bugs suffering from lingering symptoms, I was really buckling under the stress. That is when I decided to pull out the diet information I had set aside. I figured if it reduced Bugs issues by half, it would be a tremendous help.
I started reading labels at the grocery store with a fine tooth comb. I was amazed to find that items I thought were relatively healthy really weren't...granola bars, cereals, breads, even salad dressings that normally found their way into my shopping cart were being left on the store shelves. If it had high fructose corn syrup, yellow, blue or red dyes, hydrogenated oils or nitrates/nitrites I did not purchase it. Within the first couple of weeks, I noticed a difference in our house. Bug's symptoms seemed to be easing up, Beanie was finally put on a medication that was working, and life wasn't an emotional roller coaster for her or the rest of us. On top of that, we all managed to stay well, when everyone around us was getting sick! Things were changing, however; I still did not attribute it to the change in our diet...after all, it had only be 2 weeks. A little over a month later, I noticed more peace and harmony in the house, better concentration in our homeschooling, better health, and those of us who were carrying around extra weight had thinned out some...
It was almost Christmas and we were headed out of state for a family reunion. While in route, we got in an auto accident that postponed our return home. That caused a change in our diet overnight. We ate Lucky Charms in place of oat meal, white bread instead of 100% homemade whole wheat, canned condensed soups and many other highly processed foods. After only 2-3 days, I noticed major changes in the way we were feeling, and how my kids were behaving. Then we ran out of Beanie's medication. I called her Dr. and he informed us that she had to be seen before he would write her a refill. I explained that we were over 1,000 miles from home. What happened next, I could not believe... her doctor said "Well I will not refill your daughter's medication until she comes in for her next appointment. So you better keep a close eye on her and pray she does not become suicidal!". Roughly a week later we were dealing with issues from the change in our diet as well as a child suffering from Juvenile Bipolarism who did not have her medication. At this point, all I wanted to do was return home so that we could get things back to normal.
Once home, we were faced with many unexpected situations...the biggest of which was no more medical insurance. Because of this, we were not able to get Beanie in to see her doctor nor get her prescription refilled. Thankfully I had control once again over what we were eating. I went back to fixing real food...and within a week, the changes were once again amazing! However, the most unbelievable change of all was seen in Beanie...all of her Bipolar symptoms disappeared! She had been misdiagnosed... it turned out that she is extremely sensitive to food dyes, preservatives, SUGAR and other things associated with highly processed foods. If what I have told you thus far has not sold you on the benefits of eating better, here is something that might...$$$! Eating a mostly unprocessed diet meant Beanie no longer needed her prescription, monthly blood work, or bimonthly doctors appointments. Bugs was able to go off of most of her asthma medications which without medical insurance would have run close to $400.00 per month.
So, for all who grew up hearing "You are what you eat" I can tell you it is true! Give real food a try for one month...I promise you too will see HUGE results!
My food choices for yesterday~
Breakfast: None
Lunch: Side salad, 2 pieces of broasted chicken, sauteed Asian vegetable blend, Asian sesame dressing, and 2 small cups of decaf coffee with half n' half
Snack: 1/2 of a small soft serve ice cream
Dinner: 5 olive oil & cracked black pepper Triscut crackers and roughly 2 oz. of caraway cheese (small dinner because of a late lunch)
Our daughter Bugs had an illness of unknown origin (IUO) when she was two. We never got any answers...her illness came on quickly, lasted several months, then just disappeared as mysteriously as it began. However, it left her with lingering symptoms for several years. From time to time I would do research trying to find out what she could have had. On many of the sites, I would find sidebars or articles concerning diet and how it could help alleviate some of the symptoms she still dealt with. I just filed that information away as I felt our diet wasn't really that bad... after all, I didn't feed my kids poptarts, frozen pizza, or sugary breakfast cereals. Then when Beanie was about 9 years old she started having serious trouble concentrating in school. She was easily angered, and everyone in the family was beginning to walk on eggshells, because we did not know what would set her off. Things continued to get worse, so we took her to see a doctor. She was diagnosed as being "Juvenile Bipolar". As devastating as that diagnoses was, we were glad she was finally going to get the help she needed or so we thought. She was put on one medication that did absolutely nothing. So her doctor tried something different, then a combination of medications all with the same results. Between the emotional ride with Beanie, and Bugs suffering from lingering symptoms, I was really buckling under the stress. That is when I decided to pull out the diet information I had set aside. I figured if it reduced Bugs issues by half, it would be a tremendous help.
I started reading labels at the grocery store with a fine tooth comb. I was amazed to find that items I thought were relatively healthy really weren't...granola bars, cereals, breads, even salad dressings that normally found their way into my shopping cart were being left on the store shelves. If it had high fructose corn syrup, yellow, blue or red dyes, hydrogenated oils or nitrates/nitrites I did not purchase it. Within the first couple of weeks, I noticed a difference in our house. Bug's symptoms seemed to be easing up, Beanie was finally put on a medication that was working, and life wasn't an emotional roller coaster for her or the rest of us. On top of that, we all managed to stay well, when everyone around us was getting sick! Things were changing, however; I still did not attribute it to the change in our diet...after all, it had only be 2 weeks. A little over a month later, I noticed more peace and harmony in the house, better concentration in our homeschooling, better health, and those of us who were carrying around extra weight had thinned out some...
It was almost Christmas and we were headed out of state for a family reunion. While in route, we got in an auto accident that postponed our return home. That caused a change in our diet overnight. We ate Lucky Charms in place of oat meal, white bread instead of 100% homemade whole wheat, canned condensed soups and many other highly processed foods. After only 2-3 days, I noticed major changes in the way we were feeling, and how my kids were behaving. Then we ran out of Beanie's medication. I called her Dr. and he informed us that she had to be seen before he would write her a refill. I explained that we were over 1,000 miles from home. What happened next, I could not believe... her doctor said "Well I will not refill your daughter's medication until she comes in for her next appointment. So you better keep a close eye on her and pray she does not become suicidal!". Roughly a week later we were dealing with issues from the change in our diet as well as a child suffering from Juvenile Bipolarism who did not have her medication. At this point, all I wanted to do was return home so that we could get things back to normal.
Once home, we were faced with many unexpected situations...the biggest of which was no more medical insurance. Because of this, we were not able to get Beanie in to see her doctor nor get her prescription refilled. Thankfully I had control once again over what we were eating. I went back to fixing real food...and within a week, the changes were once again amazing! However, the most unbelievable change of all was seen in Beanie...all of her Bipolar symptoms disappeared! She had been misdiagnosed... it turned out that she is extremely sensitive to food dyes, preservatives, SUGAR and other things associated with highly processed foods. If what I have told you thus far has not sold you on the benefits of eating better, here is something that might...$$$! Eating a mostly unprocessed diet meant Beanie no longer needed her prescription, monthly blood work, or bimonthly doctors appointments. Bugs was able to go off of most of her asthma medications which without medical insurance would have run close to $400.00 per month.
So, for all who grew up hearing "You are what you eat" I can tell you it is true! Give real food a try for one month...I promise you too will see HUGE results!
My food choices for yesterday~
Breakfast: None
Lunch: Side salad, 2 pieces of broasted chicken, sauteed Asian vegetable blend, Asian sesame dressing, and 2 small cups of decaf coffee with half n' half
Snack: 1/2 of a small soft serve ice cream
Dinner: 5 olive oil & cracked black pepper Triscut crackers and roughly 2 oz. of caraway cheese (small dinner because of a late lunch)
Monday, January 30, 2012
On a Soapbox...
My last blog entry was extremely transparent when it came to a weighty issue... I'm sure some of you ladies are saying to yourselves "Boy is she stupid...I would never post something like that" Believe me, I have never been so bold when it comes to my weight... I've even lied on my drivers licenses. Hey, I know I'm not alone on that one...I'm sure some of you who are reading this have done it too!
Well, getting on the healthy bandwagon once again has me climbing up on a "Food Soapbox"! Last week a friend on facebook posted a link to a chicken nugget experiment. It was appalling. Watching that clip lead to me bringing up the entire first season of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, which we watched throughout the week for health during school. Bubba, actually got upset when he saw the segment concerning 1st graders and their lack of vegetable knowledge. The kids had no clue what a head of cauliflower was. Really!?! By the time we finished the episodes, my heart was breaking... not just for those showcased in the program, but for America in general. That sadness soon festered into anger as so many unbelievable things I have already known about concerning our food came to mind. Things that most people know nothing about...things that the FDA and USDA have kept hidden from the public. For instance, did you know that fluoride was originally manufactured as a poison for insects and rodents? It is more toxic then lead but has that made the news? NO! Fluoride is in 99% of all toothpastes, it is offered to children in public and private schools, and if you are not on a well, it is in your drinking water too. And now it has come out, that the fluoride noted to protect our teeth has actually harmed our children's teeth. What about "Pink Slime" how many of you have heard about this tasty ingredient? Most of you probably have no clue what I am talking about however; I guarantee that most of you have eaten it just this past week. If you had fast food containing ground beef or even made a burger or chili at home you've most likely consumed a mixture of beef and ammonia A.K.A. "Pink Slime". 70% of all ground beef that you purchase contains the beef and ammonia mixture, yet have you ever read ammonia on an ingredients list? Thankfully I have a meat grinder attachment for my stand mixer, so I am able to purchase a roast and grind it myself. What about ecoli... did you know that most of the issues with ecoli are caused by feeding cows corn? And this is just the tip of the iceberg, there is so much more... GMO's, HFCS, preservatives, margarine which is one molecule short of being plastic, and the addition of hormones & antibiotics. It is no wonder that Americans have the worst diet in the nation. We have more diseases that are diet related then any other country.
So, what can we do about this. I used to say the answer was simple. Limit processed foods, buy lean beef, chicken & fish, and eat more fresh fruits and vegetables. Well, that answer doesn't hold water any more. Chicken, beef, pork & lamb that is affordable, is pumped full of hormones and antibiotics. Most of our fish is contaminated with mercury or other pollutants and we are being told to limit our intake...not to mention the chemicals that they treat frozen shell fish with. So, what does that leave us with...pesticide ridden, GMO fruits and vegetables that are grown in nutrient depleted soil and picked before they are ripe. There is also the cost factor; highly processed foods today are much cheaper then the cost of produce, meat, dairy etc... I have a hard time wrapping my brain around that. How can white flour that has to be run through all sorts of processing and bleaching, be less expensive then whole wheat flour that is only separated from the shaft and ground, or grass fed beef and free range chickens cost so much more then those that are fed purchased food that is loaded with antibiotics, hormones etc... it makes no sense. So, what can we do to rectify things? Last year I decided to grow an organic garden... I realize not everyone has a lot big enough where they can grow a garden to sustain their family, however; even if you are an apartment dweller, you can grow a small window box garden. Sadly, that is going to be my option this year. Though I still have my nice tilled plot in my back yard, I can not afford to grow one. This is the first time we have been on city water in more then 10 years and have had a water bill... last summer my water bill climbed more then $300.00 even though I did not water my garden daily! So, I will be growing a couple of tomato plants in pots, and researching what vegetables I can grow using little to no water. Not everyone has a desire to garden though, so after giving it more thought, I came up with ONE thing we can all do that WILL make a difference. If everyone who reads this blog would make it a point to put every dime they spend on highly processed foods into "REAL FOOD" each time they shop during the month of February it would send a strong message to the food companies, grocery stores etc... You will need to help me spread the word though... start tweeting, message your friends on facebook, speak with your coworkers, put technology and your voice to good use! Leave the poptarts and lunchables on the store shelves. I'm sure some of you are saying "But I need something simple to pack in my kid's school lunch that they will eat." Well, grab your stock pot or crock pot and throw a chicken in. Once it is cooked, put a little in a container, slice some colby or other non processed cheese, add a little baggie of Triscut crackers and a piece of fruit along with celery sticks and they have a healthy "Real Food" lunchable. Or make a whole wheat pasta salad loaded with veggies... Check out the blog 100 Days of Real Food www.100daysofrealfood.com for other wonderful recipes and ideas. We all need to make major changes NOW!
What will "Real Food" changes bring about? We will see a change in the obesity rate in the U.S. and a reduction of diseases such as high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer and so many other food related illnesses. The cure is simple...we just need to take a stand and make a difference! Tomorrows blog will include more food related issues...things that have had a real impact on my life and that of my family. I hope you will all stop by for an eye opening read...especially if you have kids with ADD/ADHD etc...
Now for what I ate yesterday (This will be added to every blog as part of my weight loss journey)
Breakfast: 1 tangerine and a glass of water with bruised mint leaves added to it
Lunch: Burger that started out as a large beef patty, a slice of Munster cheese, Romain lettuce, ketchup, German mustard, along with onion and pickle slices on a 100% wheat bun. However, the bun was so dry, that I ended up feeding it to our chickens and used the lettuce leaves as my bun. More mint infused water...
Snack: Small slice of German Chocolate cake and a scoop of ice cream (It was my husband's birthday)
Dinner: Small portion of left over Jerk chicken and a cup of coffee with half n' half
No, I did not eat very well and I know it. Definitely have to up the fruits and veggies...
Saturday, January 28, 2012
More Scotch Tape
In my last blog I allowed myself to become rather transparent. I spoke about my lack of accountability to myself. Well, it's time to lay my cards on the table once again. This time it deals with a weighty issue. Over the last 20 years I have allowed myself to get out of shape and to gain a tremendous amount of weight.
I first put on weight because I was an emotional eater. If I was happy I celebrated by eating, sad I drowned my sorrows with food, stressed...well you get the picture. And carrot and celery sticks just didn't cut it; chocolate, ice cream, pasta, that's the kinds of foods I would eat. As I began to put on weight, I turned a blind eye to it- saying "I've only gone up one size" or "I've probably only put on about 10 lbs." when in actuality it was 3 times that. It took me forever to overcome my unhealthy relationship with food. No, I didn't go on some fancy diet, or read self-help books, I just decided one day that enough was enough. Unfortunately, I made that decision after the damage was done. I was not over weight, I was obese. Exercising was difficult...I had a hard time just walking a couple of blocks. I thought to myself though, "I'm still young, I'll be able to lose the weight". Little did I know that the very next year, I would be involved in a very high risk pregnancy that would change my life forever. I went through HELLP Syndrome and that was pretty much the end of the story. I had to be resuscitated more then once before I decided to stick around. The tremendous stress on my body allowed Fibromyalgia to take hold, and I was also diagnosed with an abnormally high antibody issue similar to Lupus (my body attacks itself). There is no medication I can take to control the antibody issue... nor can I take any meds. for the fibro. The "I'll be able to lose the weight" became far more difficult then I ever imagined.
I finally realized one day though, that in order to feel better, I was going to have to work through the pain of fibro., exercise, eat healthy and lose weight. So, last year I did just that. At first I was barely able to walk to the end of our driveway and back. However, with the help of my kids, I pushed myself a little further every couple of days. Slowly, the lbs. began to melt away... and I dropped 47 lbs! You would think after seeing such wonderful results, I would have stuck with it. Unfortunately, I let life get in the way and everything came to a screeching halt. I quit walking daily, and now walking 2 miles is an extreme challenge. My eating habits haven't been the greatest either, but thankfully I have not gained any weight back. The sad thing is I know what I need to do...I just haven't done it. So, it is time for me to become fully transparent and not hold back. I have 100 lbs. to lose-- there, I said it. Starting with my next blog, I will be posting what I eat at the bottom of each entry. I will also be posting the number of pounds lost or gained once a week. Why am I doing this...because I must be a glutton for punishment. No, not really, I'm doing this because I need the extra accountability... knowing the writing is on the wall will hopefully keep me from backsliding or throwing in the towel. I'm hoping that I will inspire others to join me on this journey, and I'm hoping to be better roll model to my daughter Beanie who unfortunately has already begun to follow in my footsteps. If I can make the needed changes in my life and get her on the road to healthy eating and exercise now, I pray she won't have a weight issue when she reaches adulthood.
I hope those who give a hoot will leave me a message...I would love to have some feedback, so I know I will not be making this journey alone~
I first put on weight because I was an emotional eater. If I was happy I celebrated by eating, sad I drowned my sorrows with food, stressed...well you get the picture. And carrot and celery sticks just didn't cut it; chocolate, ice cream, pasta, that's the kinds of foods I would eat. As I began to put on weight, I turned a blind eye to it- saying "I've only gone up one size" or "I've probably only put on about 10 lbs." when in actuality it was 3 times that. It took me forever to overcome my unhealthy relationship with food. No, I didn't go on some fancy diet, or read self-help books, I just decided one day that enough was enough. Unfortunately, I made that decision after the damage was done. I was not over weight, I was obese. Exercising was difficult...I had a hard time just walking a couple of blocks. I thought to myself though, "I'm still young, I'll be able to lose the weight". Little did I know that the very next year, I would be involved in a very high risk pregnancy that would change my life forever. I went through HELLP Syndrome and that was pretty much the end of the story. I had to be resuscitated more then once before I decided to stick around. The tremendous stress on my body allowed Fibromyalgia to take hold, and I was also diagnosed with an abnormally high antibody issue similar to Lupus (my body attacks itself). There is no medication I can take to control the antibody issue... nor can I take any meds. for the fibro. The "I'll be able to lose the weight" became far more difficult then I ever imagined.
I finally realized one day though, that in order to feel better, I was going to have to work through the pain of fibro., exercise, eat healthy and lose weight. So, last year I did just that. At first I was barely able to walk to the end of our driveway and back. However, with the help of my kids, I pushed myself a little further every couple of days. Slowly, the lbs. began to melt away... and I dropped 47 lbs! You would think after seeing such wonderful results, I would have stuck with it. Unfortunately, I let life get in the way and everything came to a screeching halt. I quit walking daily, and now walking 2 miles is an extreme challenge. My eating habits haven't been the greatest either, but thankfully I have not gained any weight back. The sad thing is I know what I need to do...I just haven't done it. So, it is time for me to become fully transparent and not hold back. I have 100 lbs. to lose-- there, I said it. Starting with my next blog, I will be posting what I eat at the bottom of each entry. I will also be posting the number of pounds lost or gained once a week. Why am I doing this...because I must be a glutton for punishment. No, not really, I'm doing this because I need the extra accountability... knowing the writing is on the wall will hopefully keep me from backsliding or throwing in the towel. I'm hoping that I will inspire others to join me on this journey, and I'm hoping to be better roll model to my daughter Beanie who unfortunately has already begun to follow in my footsteps. If I can make the needed changes in my life and get her on the road to healthy eating and exercise now, I pray she won't have a weight issue when she reaches adulthood.
I hope those who give a hoot will leave me a message...I would love to have some feedback, so I know I will not be making this journey alone~
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
As Transparent as Scotch Tape...
A couple of blogs ago, I had said that this blog was going to be a journal...telling the good, the bad, and the ugly. That I would post things to help me stay accountable and possibly help a few others in that area as well. I haven't lived up to that as of yet...I haven't been accountable...OUCH! Do you realize how painful that is to say. It's time to step up to the accountability plate...to be as transparent as Scotch tape.
My husband and I have been married now for almost 23 years. In today's world, that is quite an accomplishment. Like many marriages though, ours has been filled with ups and downs....I would be lying if I said it was pure bliss. We have faced many trials that are common...financial issues, disagreements when it comes to parenting etc... those are normal. We have also faced issues that for many are not common place- the stress of having two premature children two years apart (unless you have experienced that first hand, you can not understand what I am talking about), having a child with an illness of unknown origin (IUO) and being told by doctors that they have no answers, packing a family up and moving 1/2 way across the U.S. to take a job- only to be told shortly after, that there was a loss of funding, and they could not honor the employment contract. All of these issues have added some bumps in the road however they have not been the biggest factor of stress...I have been. Here's where my transparency comes into play...I am the kind of person that holds on to everything... we are talking a strangle hold. My husband on the other hand, is the complete opposite. Like a duck that sheds water off its back, he just lets things roll off his; a foreign concept for me to say the least. This extreme difference between us, has been an stumbling block in our marriage for a long time. I actually began to grow bitter because of his ability to let things go...after all, he didn't hold on to the things that have hurt or upset me...in my eyes his "I've asked for forgiveness and now it is time to move on" meant that he did not care about me or how I was feeling. Oh, I told my husband that I forgave him, but I never let the issues go. I was putting everything back on him, when the real issue lied with me. My choke hold has been strangling not only our marriage, but MY life. I have been holding on to things saying "see, I'm in control" when in actuality, I have been losing control. It took someone else to help me realize this...and to see that not only have I been losing control of my life, I have been ripping my marriage apart, and hurting my kids and those around me that I love as well. The sad thing, is that I can not use Scotch tape to go back and mend the past...realizing this is a good thing though. Why? Because my choke hold is connected to the past, and I have to concentrate on the here and now. Are there still going to be bumps in the road? Yes, I would be a fool to say there won't be. Are there going to be times when I latch onto things with a grip so tight it will be hard to let go...probably, because that has been my nature for a very long time. But I am thankful that I was able to sit down with my husband and tell him this (without errupting like I would normally do, because my life has been so out of control). I am thankful, that I have come to terms with the issues I need to work on and change so that I can gain control of my life...without trying to control everything and everyone around me. I am thankful...
I have now become transparent... this was difficult to write. No one wants to admit they are wrong, that they have caused great pain in the lives of others. So, why did I write this. One, reason was to work through my feelings, to have something to look back on when I am struggling (I know I will still battle this from time to time) but I also wrote this in hopes that my words might help someone else that has a death grip on the past. Maybe by seeing my transparency they will see how important it is to truly forgive and "forget".
My husband and I have been married now for almost 23 years. In today's world, that is quite an accomplishment. Like many marriages though, ours has been filled with ups and downs....I would be lying if I said it was pure bliss. We have faced many trials that are common...financial issues, disagreements when it comes to parenting etc... those are normal. We have also faced issues that for many are not common place- the stress of having two premature children two years apart (unless you have experienced that first hand, you can not understand what I am talking about), having a child with an illness of unknown origin (IUO) and being told by doctors that they have no answers, packing a family up and moving 1/2 way across the U.S. to take a job- only to be told shortly after, that there was a loss of funding, and they could not honor the employment contract. All of these issues have added some bumps in the road however they have not been the biggest factor of stress...I have been. Here's where my transparency comes into play...I am the kind of person that holds on to everything... we are talking a strangle hold. My husband on the other hand, is the complete opposite. Like a duck that sheds water off its back, he just lets things roll off his; a foreign concept for me to say the least. This extreme difference between us, has been an stumbling block in our marriage for a long time. I actually began to grow bitter because of his ability to let things go...after all, he didn't hold on to the things that have hurt or upset me...in my eyes his "I've asked for forgiveness and now it is time to move on" meant that he did not care about me or how I was feeling. Oh, I told my husband that I forgave him, but I never let the issues go. I was putting everything back on him, when the real issue lied with me. My choke hold has been strangling not only our marriage, but MY life. I have been holding on to things saying "see, I'm in control" when in actuality, I have been losing control. It took someone else to help me realize this...and to see that not only have I been losing control of my life, I have been ripping my marriage apart, and hurting my kids and those around me that I love as well. The sad thing, is that I can not use Scotch tape to go back and mend the past...realizing this is a good thing though. Why? Because my choke hold is connected to the past, and I have to concentrate on the here and now. Are there still going to be bumps in the road? Yes, I would be a fool to say there won't be. Are there going to be times when I latch onto things with a grip so tight it will be hard to let go...probably, because that has been my nature for a very long time. But I am thankful that I was able to sit down with my husband and tell him this (without errupting like I would normally do, because my life has been so out of control). I am thankful, that I have come to terms with the issues I need to work on and change so that I can gain control of my life...without trying to control everything and everyone around me. I am thankful...
I have now become transparent... this was difficult to write. No one wants to admit they are wrong, that they have caused great pain in the lives of others. So, why did I write this. One, reason was to work through my feelings, to have something to look back on when I am struggling (I know I will still battle this from time to time) but I also wrote this in hopes that my words might help someone else that has a death grip on the past. Maybe by seeing my transparency they will see how important it is to truly forgive and "forget".
Monday, January 23, 2012
2:00 a.m. At This Hour is it Wit or Wisom?
Okay, I guess I have left you hanging long enough from my first blog. The answer to the phrase "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water" is one that many of you probably all ready know, but just in case you forgot, I'm going to tell you all again. It also dates back to the early settlers when the only bath tub was Ma's old wash tub....or if you were really wealthy a galvanized tub that was more oblong and designed for bathing. There wasn't any indoor plumbing, so buckets of water had to be hauled from the creek, and on a good day heated in a large pot hung over the fire in the fireplace. The man of the house got to take the first bath...once finished, the rest of the family members would take their turn; oldest to youngest bathing in the same water. Often by the time the baby was bathed, the water in the tub was so dirty that the child probably was cleaner before their bath then after. Thus the reason the phrase was born...
Yesterday (Saturday) I was busy putzing around the house. I washed, dried, and put away several loads of dishes (with 6 in the family and no dishwasher, I rarely see an empty sink in my kitchen). Next I put away several small kitchen appliances that somehow managed to wander out of the cabinets and set up residency on the kitchen counters. I then scrubbed the counters and back splash, window sill above the sink, and my collection of antique bottles that have earned an honored spot on the window sill. Then I grabbed the vacuum and attempted to vacuum the kitchen floor. Unfortunately that did not go as planned because the hose was plugged, so I had to disassemble it and try to dislodge the clog. With Bunny's help, I was able to remove enough of the clog so that I could at least vacuum the linoleum. Then came the fun job of scrubbing the kitchen floor on my hands and knees.... Lets just say you know you are really getting old when you make one pass across the width of the kitchen and you feel like you will never be able to stand again. With evil thoughts, I managed to finish scrubbing the kitchen floor-- and though I hate that task, I am always pleased with the outcome. And thankfully, I did not mop myself into the corner...don't laugh, because I know some of you have done that in the past too. Once the floor dried, I headed down into the basement where I scaled Mt. Washmore without being buried alive under an avalanche of dirty laundry. I then folded and sorted into piles roughly 6 loads of laundry so that said owners of such laundry could gather their clothing and put it away. Did I have high hopes for the task to be done...no not really. For some strange reason my children seem to think that their dresser is either the dirty clothes hamper, their bed, or the floor. And guess what folks, it must not be their fault. There must be some sort of contagious disease they have contracted, because I have recently spoken with other parents who are saying the same thing. This illness is reaching epidemic levels! I'm beginning to think the only cure for this illness of unknown origin is to box up any clean laundry that is misplaced and stash it in the basement. As the illness progresses, one will eventually be left with only their birthday suit, which will lead to shock therapy and cure this mysterious disease. Oh, I also managed to reorganize my own dresser, my sweater shelf in our bedroom closet, and the shelves in the bathroom linen closet (which happens to also be my clothes closet). I still have to tackle the floor of that closet because someone recently went rummaging through the spare blankets, wanting one in particular, and leaving a wake of dishevelled bedding strewn across my closet floor. I should have straightened them up yesterday, but my knees informed me that if I knelt down to get to the blankets that were under the bottom shelf, they would go on strike... permanently...
Today (Sunday) I was not quite as ambitious. I got up early so that some of us could make it to the first a.m. service at Maranatha (the Assembly of God church). Bugs and Bubba were the two that joined me. We made it to the first service just by the skin of our teeth, then stayed for Sunday School and the second service. Bugs left with one of the teens afterwards and went ice skating. Bubba and I made a stop at the grocery store on our way home. Beanie had asked if I would pick up hummus one day, so she could try it, so I bought a small container of it. Upon arriving home, I informed her that it was waiting for her in the fridge. Bubba was in the kitchen with me when she tried it. One mouthful on a tortilla chip, and she immediately headed for the trash can. Bubba asked what hummus was, and I informed him that it was chickpeas mashed with olive oil. He got a disgusted look on his face and blurted out "Gross! People eat chicken potty? Do they really put chicken pee in that stuff?"! I about died laughing after that conversation. I then made lunch (minus the hummus) for Bubba and I, washed our dishes, and then headed back down into the basement to switch the last load of laundry I did yesterday from the washer to the drier. Then I came upstairs snuggled under my favorite throw blanket on the couch and read the first chapter of a new book that Bunny and Bubba received out loud to them.
Here's how my journey started this week to becoming a healthier me~
1/22
Breakfast: 1/4 of a plain bagel with a tsp. of pineapple cream cheese and water
Lunch: Maui Onion Roll (from our store bakery department) topped with German mustard, 2 thin slices of Black Forest ham, 2 thin slices of Bourbon, Maple Turkey, a handful of chopped lettuce and 1/2 an avocado. Water to drink
Snack: Butter Toffee flavored coffee with half n' half. I am addicted to flavored coffees, NOT flavored creamers.
Dinner: 1 serving of black pepper and olive oil triscuits, roughly an ounce of cheddar olive cheese (a cheddar cheese with small chunks of black and green olives in it), another slice of that wonderful turkey, some cherry tomatoes and yes...water.
Exercise...none
Well, that was my weekend in a nut shell. Good night......ZZZzzzzzzzz
Yesterday (Saturday) I was busy putzing around the house. I washed, dried, and put away several loads of dishes (with 6 in the family and no dishwasher, I rarely see an empty sink in my kitchen). Next I put away several small kitchen appliances that somehow managed to wander out of the cabinets and set up residency on the kitchen counters. I then scrubbed the counters and back splash, window sill above the sink, and my collection of antique bottles that have earned an honored spot on the window sill. Then I grabbed the vacuum and attempted to vacuum the kitchen floor. Unfortunately that did not go as planned because the hose was plugged, so I had to disassemble it and try to dislodge the clog. With Bunny's help, I was able to remove enough of the clog so that I could at least vacuum the linoleum. Then came the fun job of scrubbing the kitchen floor on my hands and knees.... Lets just say you know you are really getting old when you make one pass across the width of the kitchen and you feel like you will never be able to stand again. With evil thoughts, I managed to finish scrubbing the kitchen floor-- and though I hate that task, I am always pleased with the outcome. And thankfully, I did not mop myself into the corner...don't laugh, because I know some of you have done that in the past too. Once the floor dried, I headed down into the basement where I scaled Mt. Washmore without being buried alive under an avalanche of dirty laundry. I then folded and sorted into piles roughly 6 loads of laundry so that said owners of such laundry could gather their clothing and put it away. Did I have high hopes for the task to be done...no not really. For some strange reason my children seem to think that their dresser is either the dirty clothes hamper, their bed, or the floor. And guess what folks, it must not be their fault. There must be some sort of contagious disease they have contracted, because I have recently spoken with other parents who are saying the same thing. This illness is reaching epidemic levels! I'm beginning to think the only cure for this illness of unknown origin is to box up any clean laundry that is misplaced and stash it in the basement. As the illness progresses, one will eventually be left with only their birthday suit, which will lead to shock therapy and cure this mysterious disease. Oh, I also managed to reorganize my own dresser, my sweater shelf in our bedroom closet, and the shelves in the bathroom linen closet (which happens to also be my clothes closet). I still have to tackle the floor of that closet because someone recently went rummaging through the spare blankets, wanting one in particular, and leaving a wake of dishevelled bedding strewn across my closet floor. I should have straightened them up yesterday, but my knees informed me that if I knelt down to get to the blankets that were under the bottom shelf, they would go on strike... permanently...
Today (Sunday) I was not quite as ambitious. I got up early so that some of us could make it to the first a.m. service at Maranatha (the Assembly of God church). Bugs and Bubba were the two that joined me. We made it to the first service just by the skin of our teeth, then stayed for Sunday School and the second service. Bugs left with one of the teens afterwards and went ice skating. Bubba and I made a stop at the grocery store on our way home. Beanie had asked if I would pick up hummus one day, so she could try it, so I bought a small container of it. Upon arriving home, I informed her that it was waiting for her in the fridge. Bubba was in the kitchen with me when she tried it. One mouthful on a tortilla chip, and she immediately headed for the trash can. Bubba asked what hummus was, and I informed him that it was chickpeas mashed with olive oil. He got a disgusted look on his face and blurted out "Gross! People eat chicken potty? Do they really put chicken pee in that stuff?"! I about died laughing after that conversation. I then made lunch (minus the hummus) for Bubba and I, washed our dishes, and then headed back down into the basement to switch the last load of laundry I did yesterday from the washer to the drier. Then I came upstairs snuggled under my favorite throw blanket on the couch and read the first chapter of a new book that Bunny and Bubba received out loud to them.
Here's how my journey started this week to becoming a healthier me~
1/22
Breakfast: 1/4 of a plain bagel with a tsp. of pineapple cream cheese and water
Lunch: Maui Onion Roll (from our store bakery department) topped with German mustard, 2 thin slices of Black Forest ham, 2 thin slices of Bourbon, Maple Turkey, a handful of chopped lettuce and 1/2 an avocado. Water to drink
Snack: Butter Toffee flavored coffee with half n' half. I am addicted to flavored coffees, NOT flavored creamers.
Dinner: 1 serving of black pepper and olive oil triscuits, roughly an ounce of cheddar olive cheese (a cheddar cheese with small chunks of black and green olives in it), another slice of that wonderful turkey, some cherry tomatoes and yes...water.
Exercise...none
Well, that was my weekend in a nut shell. Good night......ZZZzzzzzzzz
Friday, January 20, 2012
Friday and Frustrated...
I'm an only child... Growing up I always wished I had siblings. My reasoning...devious, just plain devious; when you are an only child and you sneak your dad's donut that is supposed to go in his lunch the next day, you have no one to blame it on (yes this is a true story). There is no one to share the chores with...mowing lawns, pulling weeds, dusting, etc... From my point of view, it really stunk... my parents were probably really relieved though, because they did not have to deal with sibling rivalry. You know the constant bickering over things that do not matter. "She looked at me", "He touched me"... UGH! As you know from reading my blog I have four children. I love them dearly, but I "DO NOT" like the fighting that has been going on the last couple of days. There has been battles over hair rubber bands and marbles...marbles....really? If this continues, I'm going to lose my marbles!!!
While writing my last blog I realized I was tripping over conversations about the kids. Using "my oldest", "second oldest", "daughter number x" was a bit challenging. So, to make things easier for all, I have given them each nicknames~ Beanie, Bugs, Bunny, & Bubba (oldest to youngest). Since I'm a wee bit frustrated, I thought right now would be a good time to blog some funny "Kids' say the darnedest things" stories.
When Beanie was 2, I went back to work part time. I worked at a university which offered on campus day care. Her first week there, she had a difficult time with the mandatory nap time...not that she had to take a nap, rather that she had to take one without a story and song first. Once the lights went off in the quiet room and her teacher closed the door, Beanie sat up and began to tell the other children a story. Her teacher quietly entered the room and asked what it was she was doing. Beanie explained she was telling the kids a bedtime story because that is what was supposed to happen before a nap. Mrs. H told her that they don't tell stories in day care, and that she had to lay down and be quiet. As soon as the lights went off and the door closed again Beanie sat back up, only this time she burst into song. What was she singing..."Joshua Fought the Battle of Geritol"... Must not have been a very difficult fight as the enemy had to have been really old...
Bugs favorite movie when she was little was a tape of the very last Disneyland Electric Light Parade. One night while watching the film she was excitedly telling Bunny and Bubba which Disney film each float represented. When the little mine cars came on the television she said "Do you know what film this is from? It is from Snow White and the Seven Divorces"! I burst into laughter upon hearing that. Now in all fairness to her, I should let you know that she has an issue with her hearing, and she does not hear certain consonant blends clearly... "Dw" is one of them. She could not understand the word "dwarfs" so she plugged in a word she thought would fit.
The other day Bunny was working on her school work (we homeschool). Her dad didn't have to be at work until after noon, so he was disrupting our schedule. He said something to her and in an annoyed voice she said "Dad, I know". My husband then said to her "Oh, you think you are so smart? Who was the 16th President?" to which she gave the correct answer, then he asked her a math question which she also answered correctly. He then said "Okay Bunny, when was the War of 1812 fought?" She thought for a moment and then responded "Dad, that's not fair! I haven't learned about the War of 1812 yet!".
Now it's time to share a recent experience that took place with Bubba. Last week Bugs and I were in the kitchen. Bugs yelled to her brother in the other room "Hey Bubba, do you want pinto or black beans?" There was no response, so she yelled again and got nothing but silence. Finally she said "Bubba, why aren't you answering me?" He yelled back "I can't speak to you because I'm being a lime". Bugs and I look at each other- quite puzzled. Then we hear "You know, a lime...one of those people in a pretend box that do not speak".
How can one stay upset when recalling funny little memories like these?!?
Now, as for my diet and exercise lets just say I do not have my act together as of yet. Yesterday I stopped by the store to get cheese while hungry and tired...bad combination. I walked out with cheese and LOTS of junk food too. Once the junk food is out of the house and my system, I will post my progress.
Well, time to bring this to an end. Tomorrow is a heavy cleaning day... going to start spring cleaning early, but don't tell my owlets...
While writing my last blog I realized I was tripping over conversations about the kids. Using "my oldest", "second oldest", "daughter number x" was a bit challenging. So, to make things easier for all, I have given them each nicknames~ Beanie, Bugs, Bunny, & Bubba (oldest to youngest). Since I'm a wee bit frustrated, I thought right now would be a good time to blog some funny "Kids' say the darnedest things" stories.
When Beanie was 2, I went back to work part time. I worked at a university which offered on campus day care. Her first week there, she had a difficult time with the mandatory nap time...not that she had to take a nap, rather that she had to take one without a story and song first. Once the lights went off in the quiet room and her teacher closed the door, Beanie sat up and began to tell the other children a story. Her teacher quietly entered the room and asked what it was she was doing. Beanie explained she was telling the kids a bedtime story because that is what was supposed to happen before a nap. Mrs. H told her that they don't tell stories in day care, and that she had to lay down and be quiet. As soon as the lights went off and the door closed again Beanie sat back up, only this time she burst into song. What was she singing..."Joshua Fought the Battle of Geritol"... Must not have been a very difficult fight as the enemy had to have been really old...
Bugs favorite movie when she was little was a tape of the very last Disneyland Electric Light Parade. One night while watching the film she was excitedly telling Bunny and Bubba which Disney film each float represented. When the little mine cars came on the television she said "Do you know what film this is from? It is from Snow White and the Seven Divorces"! I burst into laughter upon hearing that. Now in all fairness to her, I should let you know that she has an issue with her hearing, and she does not hear certain consonant blends clearly... "Dw" is one of them. She could not understand the word "dwarfs" so she plugged in a word she thought would fit.
The other day Bunny was working on her school work (we homeschool). Her dad didn't have to be at work until after noon, so he was disrupting our schedule. He said something to her and in an annoyed voice she said "Dad, I know". My husband then said to her "Oh, you think you are so smart? Who was the 16th President?" to which she gave the correct answer, then he asked her a math question which she also answered correctly. He then said "Okay Bunny, when was the War of 1812 fought?" She thought for a moment and then responded "Dad, that's not fair! I haven't learned about the War of 1812 yet!".
Now it's time to share a recent experience that took place with Bubba. Last week Bugs and I were in the kitchen. Bugs yelled to her brother in the other room "Hey Bubba, do you want pinto or black beans?" There was no response, so she yelled again and got nothing but silence. Finally she said "Bubba, why aren't you answering me?" He yelled back "I can't speak to you because I'm being a lime". Bugs and I look at each other- quite puzzled. Then we hear "You know, a lime...one of those people in a pretend box that do not speak".
How can one stay upset when recalling funny little memories like these?!?
Now, as for my diet and exercise lets just say I do not have my act together as of yet. Yesterday I stopped by the store to get cheese while hungry and tired...bad combination. I walked out with cheese and LOTS of junk food too. Once the junk food is out of the house and my system, I will post my progress.
Well, time to bring this to an end. Tomorrow is a heavy cleaning day... going to start spring cleaning early, but don't tell my owlets...
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